Or Why I feel sorry for Mrs Clooney: Part Two

I would have been willing to place a large bet that columnist Amanda Platell would have some negative comments to make  about the new Mrs Clooney. This is what she had to say in the Mail on Sunday; ‘Perhaps someone could explain to Mrs Clooney the difference between vacuous Hollywood platitudes and the harsh realities of international diplomacy.’

Perhaps someone should explain to Ms Platell that Mrs Clooney is an International Lawyer and therefore far more qualified than she is to talk about a complex issue of, you know, International Law. However, Ms Platell was not the only culprit. Both Sarah Vine and Rachel Johnson, columnists I usually find amusing and sensible, had to have a little dig.  I began to wonder how the most famous rags to riches girl, the blueprint for the Kate Middletons and Amal Alamuddins would fare in today’s press.

A Glass Slipper? Pull the Other One Cinders!

Princess Cinders, or the Duchess of Colney Hatch, as she will be known until her husband ascends the throne, reveals that, despite the fact that she grew up in a five million pound mansion in fashionable Chelsea, she did not enjoy a privileged upbringing. She claims she was forced to ‘do a lot of housework’ and denied new clothes. Oh dear! Perhaps someone should explain to the Princess that occasionally wielding a feather duster and having to wear last year’s jeans does not really constitute a deprived childhood.

The  Princess, who was home-schooled and has never had a job in the real world, has been forced to deny that she suffers from an eating disorder, claiming that her fashionable semi-starved ‘look’ is the result of semi-starvation. We can only conclude that the weekly Ocado deliveries were too full of caviar, smoked oysters and champagne to nourish a growing girl.

Sources close to the young couple have denied speculation that this whirlwind romance was facilitated by a relative of the Princess who dabbles in ‘white magic’ and is leader of a Home Counties wiccan community. ‘Her Godmother merely provided Cinders with a new outfit and transport to the function where the two met,’ claimed a family friend. But apparently, the future princess was less than impressed by the Prince as she left the party at an unusually early hour in a ‘tired and emotional condition.’

But she was not so ’emotional’ as to forget to leave behind one of her glass slippers (£575.00 Jimmy Choo Fall Collection). The Prince, who is rumoured to have a large collection of lady’s shoes in a locked room in the Palace, spared no expense to track down the owner of the attractive footwear.  A spokesperson for Jimmy Choo said that they were happy to give the Prince a list of purchasers of the exclusive model. ‘After that it was relatively easy to find her,’ revealed our source. ‘She left a lot of clues.’ As the old saying goes; he chased her until she caught him!

The rest is, of course, history. We can only hope our new Princess will grow into her role and, as a first step, I beg her to put on some weight so that she can to be a better role model for teenage girls battling eating disorders and so that I and my fellow columnists can comment intrusively on every pound gained or lost and thus earn our paycheck for the foreseeable future.